Using Accountability (& Social Media) to Help Achieve Your Goals
Welcome to 2019! A year where it's still against the law to participate in a "Dwarf Tossing" event if you're the owner of a place that sells liquor in Florida. Good news for Jeff Sessions if he's ever in the Sunshine State. While some state rules didn't change in 2019, other rules still can. Those rules come in the form of yourself. January is a time where people exercise their demons, or overcrowd the gyms, or work out new routines in their life. January 1st is symbolic of New Year's Resolutions. Like 10 fingers, those two things go hand in hand. Many people's resolutions include losing weight, paying off debt, or quitting smoking, just to name a few. While some people's resolutions include…well, see for yourself.
So a crazy cat lady, a family of some clean freaks (emphasis on the freaks), and a stupid fashion idea I'm surprised Kanye West hasn't tried to take mainstream. But hey, if that's what you want to do with your resolution, well then do you boo-boo (Kat Williams voice). However, the success rate of those resolutions is like Kanye West's latest music, not good. Approximately 80% of resolutions fail by the second week of February. So what is causing all these people to throw in the towel so early? 14 days into February, is your motivation to accomplish your goal too weak? Well, it's my goal to help you understand. "People usually set out to achieve their resolutions without having the proper mindset. They have been told, and believe that all they need is enough willpower to force their way to success," says Dr. Edward Lewellen, a nationally known transformation coach. "Unfortunately, for most people, willpower elicits the Law of Reverse Effect," says Lewellen.
You're probably not conscious of it, but subconscious programming causes a lot of people to fail at their New Year's resolutions. Quitting smoking is a popular choice for when January 1st hits. But when you tell yourself, "I am not going to smoke cigarettes," you create the thought of that cigarette unintentionally, aka Law of Reverse Effect. "You stimulate the thought patterns of getting the cigarette out, touching it, lighting it, smelling the aroma, putting it in your mouth, and the sensation of inhaling the smoke. You've just activated your automatic responses to now go have a cigarette."
What else is causing you to trip soon as you get past the starting line? How you think about yourself and how you behave is a big one. If you use phrases like "I am a person who lacks confidence," you are owning and identifying with those behaviors. So the key is the think differently. "This change in what they tell themselves and how they see themselves changes their nervous system, so it responds differently. They then start thinking and behaving like a non-smoker, like a person who's in-shape, like a person who's confident," says Lewellen.
Since so many people fail, you should change the way you view punishment since it's likely to happen. If your resolution flops, take a "50 Shades of Grey" approach and don't view punishment as something so wrong. "By accepting that they "gave in" as a mere blip on the timeline of life, they can now let it go with gratitude. This releases the stress of feeling like they failed," says Lewellen. "What they will discover is that the time between "giving in" will become longer and longer until they reach their resolution."
I have set many New Year's resolutions in the past. Learning Spanish, hitting the gym more often, learning to cook were some of them. All those goals became (burnt) toast shortly after. I found resolutions at times to be counterproductive. Like a person putting makeup on who then looks worse. I always felt like I didn't have any accountability, so when I would fail, it still felt like I didn't have the proper motivation. At the start of 2018 I needed to change a few things about myself. I felt like I wasn't using my time productively and was spending too much time on my phone. So I decided I wanted to read more and I set a goal to read one book a month. To hold myself accountable, I was going to post to where I could show people I could stick with my goal…social media. "Most people do have a need to be held accountable. If people are hesitant to share their resolution(s) with at least their confidants, then that tells me that they aren't committed to reaching them," says Lewellen. The idea of sharing my goal was met with mixed results.
Some of my friends made jokes about it, #jerks. Others liked the idea and wanted to try something similar. When I posted my first completed book "Outliers" by Malcolm Gladwell, people were mostly supportive of the concept, and it took off from there. 11 months and 11 books later I closed the chapter on the year and my goal successfully. There were a couple of months where I was behind on reading and wouldn't have finished the book without that extra motivation. That accountability factor pushed me to keep going as it was lurking in the back of my mind with every page I read. See, you can use social media for something good!
The idea of posting to social media is one of many ways to try and hold yourself accountable. I felt like if I failed, people would know, and that pushed me to keep going. That tactic can be different for others, though, as Dr. Lewellen warns. "Posting your resolutions on Social Media can bring mixed results. You may not only have people who will support you, but you may also have people who will tell you how they have already failed, or that your resolution is too big. This could give you the thought that if others have given up, you might as well, too," says Lewellen.
Finding out the best way to achieve your goals is a process in itself. You don't need January 1st to come for you to set goals. Set some now, set some next week, just set some. I am not an expert on anything, but I share my experiences. My experience is if you keep coming up short like a dwarf being tossed around in Florida, try holding yourself more accountable. It worked for me, it may work for you as well.
For more information on Dr. Lewellen, visit trans-think.com
