Comparing Yourself to...Yourself?

Before he was taking advantage of little kids (allegedly), Michael Jackson dropped a song that vampires were jealous of called "Man in the Mirror." The theme of the song was if you want to make a change in the world, you need to start with yourself. That's incredible advice, which many people need to apply to their lives immediately. So if white supremacist Richard Spencer wants to see less hate in the world, then he needs to drive off a cliff. Reflecting on that song now makes me want to tell you there is another message you should take out of that song. The person you see in the mirror is the only person you should compare yourself to. I am not taking credit for this idea, as others have written or spoken about it in the past. However, I have applied it to myself recently, and I have seen the difference it has made.

Even though the man who made the song definitely needed to look in the mirror, the message in the song is still very true today.

Any competitive person will tell you how their ambition to be the best can be a gift and a curse. I've always been that person who wants to do the best in whatever I do. While that drive has made me successful in many different aspects, it has also driven me crazy. When living in an ultra-competitive world with so many talented people, there is always going to be someone better than you. Whether that's in the past or present, it's still the case. While there is nothing wrong with a competitive spirit, don't break your spirit by trying to top others continually. The only person you should want to be better than is your previous self. I was given this advice recently after I was explaining a situation to my therapist and how I felt I was better than someone else. I was comparing things like our careers, our appearance, dumb shit like that. So it was only a matter of time before I would have brought up "Call of Duty" skills and who could do more sit-ups. When going over this list, she ultimately shut that down quickly. She asked me if I wanted to swap lives with this person? "Hell no, I don't," I proudly stated. When I told her that, she responded "Why are you putting yourself through this thought process then?" That was a good question because it made me question a lot. It made me question why I was thinking like this as it became apparent it was an answer I needed to uncover.

In trying to work on yourself, as I have been the last few months, comparing yourself to other people isn't helping that progress. If you don't reach the level they are at, and that negatively impacts you, then you're only degrading yourself. But what this also does is create a vicious cycle where once you achieve that level, you'll start looking at who is next. Then the process starts all over. One of my former friends was notorious for comparing himself to others. This one guy he didn't like got a Honda Civic. Two weeks later he bought a newer version of the same car. The other guy came to school with new Jordan sneakers on, so the next day, he shows up with a new pair of Jordan shoes. It was draining just keeping up with the competition. It was also stupid that these two grown-ass men were battling each other over who had the best materialistic items. But it didn't stop there. My friend was a up and coming rapper who lived to compare himself to the greats, only to be dead wrong on those comparisons. Jay-Z was the one he emulated. So it was a matter of trying to outdo Jay-Z, who by the way is a legendary rapper who sells out fucking stadiums! As his friend I supported his ambition, but said he needed to be more modest. I ultimately shook his confidence when I told him Jay-Z not only had 12 number one albums at the time (now he has 14), but has also poured expensive champagne on video models while on a yacht. If that doesn't measure success, I don't know what does (I'm being sarcastic...well kind of). The most my friend had done was drop a mixtape and puked on his girlfriend once after a party. So if the truth hurts, he needed a Percocet that night. We eventually lost contact, but if I could go back, I would have told him, compare your old music with what you're doing now. Is it better? Have you grown as an artist? That is how you should measure yourself. How much you've grown either in your profession or within yourself.

One of the greatest things we as humans can do is grow mentally. The only way to grow mentally is with the help of time. How were you five years ago? How were you a year ago? Are you a better version of yourself than you were back in that timeframe? If yes, then keep growing mentally. If not, then you know what you need to work on. Five years ago, I was working a dead-end job for Sprint, still in school, unhealthy as shit, and definitely not as knowledgeable. One year ago, I was unhappy with certain things, my mental health wasn't in great shape, I wasn't reading at all, and spent too much time focusing on the wrong things. As of today, I have a career, take better care of my body, read a lot, have improved my mental health, and focus on more productive things. I feel I have grown tremendously, all while being the same height. That makes me feel so much better than trying to compare myself to someone else. Comparing myself to other people who were more successful or had something I wanted was unhealthy and set unrealistic goals.

So are there things I can grow at and become better with? Absolutely! I can grow with my career, with my overall health, with my knowledge, with my close relationships, and I plan on working on all of those. As Jay-Z once said, "Remind yourself, nobody built like you, you designed yourself!" So stop comparing yourself to your co-workers, your friends, your enemies, your family, a celebrity, your ex's new significant other, or your cousin's friend's uncle's teacher from their senior year of high school. In the big picture, none of that matters. Compare yourself to that person you see in the mirror and how much that person has grown. And if you don't see anyone while standing in front of a mirror, well, you're shit out of luck, Dracula.